The Seraph of Devotion

Content Warning: self harm/suicide

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Excerpt from record 187ES-03-24.2892. Recorded by Rpr. Caroline Haugh.

The first time I saw someone die was eight days ago. Seraph of Devotion Miltiades was almost as old as Exusia, so it wasn't really a surprise. His room was pretty crowded. All eight of us Acolytes of Devotion were there, plus the six other Seraphs, and even the Lords Regent and Mage. The two Rulers normally wouldn't come, but I guess Seraph Miltiades was always friendly with them, so they made an exception.

You'd think being in a room with the most powerful people in Exusia, maybe in all of Estia, would be this intense experience, but I remember everything feeling so... normal. Seraph Miltiades looked like an old dying man surrounded by friends and family, which I guess he was. No one cried, either. We were sad - I mean, he was basically a father to me and the other Acolytes - but no one shed a tear. His body was too weak to host Baraqiel, the Archangel of Devotion, so it was time for his soul to move on and join the angels in Heaven. That's just how it was.

After Seraph Baraqiel passed, the others ushered us out with the Rulers. There were rituals to be done that we would not be allowed to witness. The Rulers offered their condolences to us, wished us luck in the upcoming Rite of Binding, then bid farewell. Without a word, we went to our individual chambers to begin the seven days of mourning as dictated by the Heavenly Way's texts. I took off my formal robes and stood in front of my mirror. I'll admit, my body wasn't terribly impressive to look at. I was pretty lanky, didn't have much muscle at all. I was pale from staying inside and studying for most of my sixteen years, even when the other Acolytes would spend their recreational time together in the sun. But soon, none of that would matter.

I took a deep breath and willed my metallic orange aura to manifest. It flared to life around my body, wrapping me in the warmth of my Devotion. From the day I took my first breath, this aura determined my destiny as a vessel for Archangel Baraqiel. And in one week, I would fulfill that destiny. The other Acolytes of Devotion were here in Storia for the same reason, of course. They had the same aura as me. They had spent their lives preparing for this, just like me. But they were not as Devoted as me. I knew, with every fiber of my being, that I would become the next Seraph of Devotion. So I stood there, looking at the body that would be mine for only a few days more.

We were given the week of mourning to spend however we wanted. Some of the Acolytes left to visit their families, while others stayed and spent time with their friends here. I know Acolyte Ciel was in a relationship with Acolyte of Truth Jessenia, so I'd imagine they were in each other's company quite a lot. This was forbidden, but I never reported them. I may have been Devoted, but I was certainly not a snitch. I used my time as I always did: preparing for the Rite. When I wasn't in one of the chapels, I was in my room reading the texts and reciting my prayers. I knew Archangel Baraqiel was watching, and I wanted to prove to him that I was worthy of his Devotion.

On the eighth day after Seraph Miltiades passed, I woke up and went through my routine as if it were any other day. Inside, I was a mess of excitement and nerves, but I had to keep it together, not just for myself, but for the other Acolytes as well. I needed to be a beacon of stability and Devotion for them to follow, as I would soon be leading the entire Way of Devotion. I'm proud to say I only vomited once.

We had breakfast together with the other Seraphs dressed in our sacred vestments: white robes with orange trimming. Acolyte Lest's hand was shaking so much he nearly stained his sleeve, but he managed to steady himself enough to get the whole spoonful into his mouth. I was proud of him for that. Only one of us would become the Seraph, but we all needed to show our Devotion to the Seraphs and the Church of the Heavenly Way as a whole.

After our final meal as Acolytes, we were lined up outside the Grand Chapel. The Seraphs were already in the sanctuary with the High Priest of the Heavenly Way and the Cardinals of Devotion. They spoke to the few thousand in the chapel, as well as the gathered masses across Exusia watching the ceremony through arcane sensors floating about the hall. The opening prayers concluded and the High Priest welcomed us in. We filed into the sanctuary, our heads bowed in deference, although I admit I did steal a glance at the faceless mass, made up of Church leadership and important laypeople. We knelt down facing out to the congregation, and recited scripture in unison. The words flowed out of our mouths automatically, having been drilled into our minds since we could speak.

"Look to your left and right. Remember the faces of your fellow Acolytes. Only one of you will be chosen on this day, but all of you will be remembered for your Devotion to the Way," the High Priest said.

I looked into each of their eyes. Corrin, in his robes that always seemed a size too big. Ciel, whose Devotion to his partner made up for his infractions. The inseparable twins Lest and Lee. Andres, who celebrated his 80th birthday this year. Christopher, who held me in his arms when I found out the mother I never met died giving birth to me. And little Thomas, barely seven, who loved strawberries more than anything else in the world.

Cardinal Dalt went down the line, handing each of us a silver knife forged in a fire of white oak and quenched in water blessed by Seraph Miltiades before he was bedridden. The High Priest led the congregation in a wordless hymn, a meandering melody rarely heard by anyone other than the highest members of the clergy. He then placed the final component of the Rite of Binding on the altar: the Eidol used to summon Archangel Baraqiel to the Material world of Estia, a ring called Sviagris. With a nod, he stepped to the side, and we began the Rite.

I held the knife in my left hand and brought it to my right forearm. I placed the point just below the inside of my elbow and dragged it down my arm to my wrist, slicing through the thin white fabric of my robe and into the flesh underneath. I quickly switched the knife to my right hand and repeated the process on my left arm. My aura automatically came to life, brighter than it ever had before. I could only imagine the blinding light the eight of us gave off together. I closed my eyes and realized there was no pain, only the warmth of my aura and of the blood pouring out of my arms and pooling on the floor in front of me.

The world slowly grew colder as I waited to be bathed in the heat of Devotion from Archangel Baraqiel. I heard gasps from the congregation, and sluggishly forced my eyes open. A figure stood in front of me, not Archangel Baraqiel, but a being clad in black robes, their face shrouded in the shadow of their hood.

[to Rpr. Haugh] Oh, I guess you already know this part.

[Rpr. Haugh responds inaudibly]

Sure, I'll keep going.

Confused, I looked to the other Acolytes. Andres and Christopher weren't moving, collapsed in their own blood. The rest were pale, still bleeding and struggling to support their bodies, each looking up at a similar figure to the one in front of me. Well, everyone except Thomas. The boy instead sat in front of a man bathed in brilliant orange light. Archangel Baraqiel knelt down and slipped Sviagris around Thomas's finger, which looked so small in Baraqiel's hands.

I felt my body give out and realized I was now just a spirit, looking down at my corporeal form. I stood up on legs made purely of my aura and watched as Seraph Thomas's wounds healed and he was embraced by his new comrades. In those moments, my Devotion never wavered. I came to the revelation that Thomas was the right choice. He had always been the right choice, and I would Devote myself to aiding him however I could in the next life.

The robed figure in front of me lowered their hood, revealing a woman in her forties with dark brown hair tied up in a braid. She looked at me with her kind, hazel eyes and said, "It's time to go, Erik."

She took my hand and the world went dark.

Even now, I think of Thomas. I know he'll grow into an excellent Seraph, and I hope he gets to eat all the strawberries in the world.